Mad River Behavioral Health

Years ago, I had a conversation with a man about corporal punishment. He was in favor of it.  Then I asked him what he thought of older kids beating up on little kids.  He was opposed to it, stating that when he was young the rule was that little kids could not be hit or harmed and the older kids looked out for them, protected them from bullies. Then he got it.  Growing up, it seems, many of us held an ethic that required older kids to protect younger kids from being harmed.  Neither we, nor anyone else was allowed to hit the little kids. What happens that causes parents to lose touch with this ethic?   How do people become transformed from holding a protector of little kids ethic to being parents who think it's their right and responsibility to harm little kids? The vast majority of all forms of child abuse happens inside the family. In certain US states (a wee bit under half), corporal punishment in public schools is still legal.  More on t...

I watched as the toddler tumbled down a full flight of stairs.  I held my breath a bit while his Dad went down to retrieve him, we all did. Will he be OK? Kids make mistakes – a lot of them.   Parents make a lot of mistakes too.  The goal of parenting is to embrace and celebrate errors, mistakes, injuries, and failures; turning them into resilience, achievement, optimism, and success. If your child falls while learning to walk:  exude confidence, cheer!, pick them up, dust them off, and set them back on their feet again.  If they are hurt, take a moment to empathize and reassure.  If they are injured, apply compassionate care and seek medical attention as needed.  No matter what the mistake is, always "set them back on their feet".  Continue to do this for the rest of your life. There are, however, some critical errors that do need to be prevented.  For example, it's not beneficial to children to experience traumatic brain injuries,...

Character strength is required in order to overcome the obstacles, challenges, and hardships of life.   No life goes unchallenged, is free from hurdles and hardship.  As parents, it is our purpose to endow our children with the skills, characteristics, and values they will need, not just to survive periods of intense difficulty, but to be ready and able to rise to the occasion.   ***** Many parents understand this.  However, some parents believe they must subject their children to hardship and drive them relentlessly as preparation.  I disagree with this perspective on parenting. Note: All of these blog posts are based on case compilations involving 100s of the children and families I've worked with over the years.  A safe, secure attachment and a safe and loving home is the strongest foundation for success in life. Parents do not prepare children for hardship by being harsh or cruel to them.  Parents prepare children for hardships by provid...

Square Peg, Meet Round Hole Parent Advocacy Often times it may seem as if the systems and institutions our children are required to navigate are set in place to conspire against them. *****   Children will face many challenges as they grow and develop.    There are times during which we will be required to advocate for system change on behalf of our children. The system may or may not respond in a constructive manner. Some elements may; others may not. Regardless of how the system responds, these situations also provide us with a golden opportunity to coach our children on the character strengths, values, and skills needed to successfully navigate difficult situations and systems in life. Very few systems are perfect, if any.  The vast majority of work places are mediocre, at best.   As reported in a Harvard Business Review article, a study by Life Meets Work found that 56% of American workers claim their boss is mildly or highly toxic....

Draft The “No” Word  As many parents have pointed out, the word "no" can create an avalanche of horribly cascading dysregulation, and not just among toddlers.  A toddler's tantrum can be taxing, although sometimes cute, but a toddler's tantrum is never as difficult or as dangerous as the tantrum 'tweens and teens can throw.  A 'tween's tantrum can become a property destroying rampage; and anything a tween can do, a teen can double-down on.     Note: All of these blog posts are based on case compilations involving 100s of children and families that I've worked with over the years.    Mom of an 11 year old: My son can go from zero to tantrum in the blink of an eye.   me: What's the trigger?    Mom: When he hears the word "no".   me: What's the tantrum look like?   Mom: Oh, it's hell on wheels.  He swears, tips over furniture, breaks things, threatens me, slams doors, punches holes in his...

You can't. Don't do it. Ok, so we can a little bit, to a point. Some behavioral gestures are so common, like smiling, laughing, etc., that we can safely infer meaning. But, if we go past the basic observation, we can also get our selves into some pretty deep trouble ... pretty quickly ... by over reaching - interpreting more complex behaviors, one's that matter a bit more. We can see that a client is angry, but we cannot know what specifically she is angry about -- even if we observe a conflict in action. The client may have been angry about something that happened early in the day, last week, a few years ago, and / she may be trauma reactive (more on this another time), and then brought her pre-existing condition into a current situation. Note: We all bring our pre-existing condition into current situations. The problem with interpreting behavior is ... it requires us to become psychics, to read minds. We can observe a behavior, but we cannot know what it m...

No, not swear words. There are certain words we use to describe children and their behavior that are counter-productive; one of the most destructive of which is the word "manipulative". Bad words!  Bad!  Words matter.  To keep one's head straight, it's important to think about and describe behaviors in a constructive manner that makes success more likely.   Using the wrong words makes success less likely. Have you ever had a phone call from someone trying to sell you something, during which you felt like you were being manipulated? If yes, what did you do?   I hang up, cut the call  off   . Bam!  Discussion over. Problem solved. As parents and mental health professionals, the last thing we ever want to do during our work with a child is to "hang up on them".  We can take breaks , this is sensible, but we never want to cut the conversation off.   Try this.  Re-conceptualize "manipulative" behavio...