Mad River Behavioral Health

Draft The “No” Word  As many parents have pointed out, the word "no" can create an avalanche of horribly cascading dysregulation, and not just among toddlers.  A toddler's tantrum can be taxing, although sometimes cute, but a toddler's tantrum is never as difficult or as dangerous as the tantrum 'tweens and teens can throw.  A 'tween's tantrum can become a property destroying rampage; and anything a tween can do, a teen can double-down on.     Note: All of these blog posts are based on case compilations involving 100s of children and families that I've worked with over the years.    Mom of an 11 year old: My son can go from zero to tantrum in the blink of an eye.   me: What's the trigger?    Mom: When he hears the word "no".   me: What's the tantrum look like?   Mom: Oh, it's hell on wheels.  He swears, tips over furniture, breaks things, threatens me, slams doors, punches holes in his...

No, not swear words. There are certain words we use to describe children and their behavior that are counter-productive; one of the most destructive of which is the word "manipulative". Bad words!  Bad!  Words matter.  To keep one's head straight, it's important to think about and describe behaviors in a constructive manner that makes success more likely.   Using the wrong words makes success less likely. Have you ever had a phone call from someone trying to sell you something, during which you felt like you were being manipulated? If yes, what did you do?   I hang up, cut the call  off   . Bam!  Discussion over. Problem solved. As parents and mental health professionals, the last thing we ever want to do during our work with a child is to "hang up on them".  We can take breaks , this is sensible, but we never want to cut the conversation off.   Try this.  Re-conceptualize "manipulative" behavio...