Navigating the Maze: Essential Strategies for Conflict Resolution

 Navigating the Maze: Essential Strategies for Conflict Resolution

Conflict. Just the word can conjure feelings of unease, frustration, and even dread. Whether it's a disagreement with a colleague, a tense moment with a loved one, or navigating differing opinions within a team, conflict is an inevitable part of the human experience. While our initial instinct might be to avoid it, learning to navigate conflict effectively is a crucial skill – one that can strengthen relationships, foster understanding, and ultimately lead to positive outcomes.

But how do we move from confrontation to resolution? It's not about winning or losing; it's about finding a path forward that respects the needs and perspectives of everyone involved. Here are some essential strategies to help you navigate the maze of conflict resolution:

1. Listen Actively and Empathetically

The foundation of any successful resolution lies in truly hearing what the other person is saying. This goes beyond just waiting for your turn to speak. Active listening involves:

·      Paying attention: Focus fully on the speaker, making eye contact, and minimizing distractions.

·      Reflecting: Summarize what you've heard to ensure understanding ("So, if I understand correctly, you're feeling frustrated because...").

·      Asking clarifying questions: Don't make assumptions. Seek to understand their perspective fully ("Could you tell me more about what you mean by...?").

·      Empathizing: Try to understand their feelings, even if you don't agree with their viewpoint ("I can see why that would make you feel that way").

When people feel heard and understood, they are more likely to be open to finding a solution.

2. Identify the Core Issue

Often, the initial argument is just the tip of the iceberg. Dig deeper to uncover the underlying needs, values, or concerns that are driving the conflict. 

Ask yourself and the other person:

·      What is the real problem here?

·      What are our fundamental needs in this situation?

·      What are we each hoping to achieve?

Getting to the root cause allows you to address the real issue, rather than just treating the symptoms.

3. Focus on "I" Statements

When expressing your feelings and perspective, frame your statements using "I" instead of "you." This helps to avoid blame and defensiveness. For example, instead of saying "You always interrupt me," try "I feel unheard when I'm interrupted." This subtle shift in language can make a significant difference in how your message is received.

4. Brainstorm Solutions Collaboratively

Once you understand the core issue, work together to generate potential solutions. Encourage open communication and creativity. The goal is to find a solution that meets the needs of all parties involved as much as possible. Don't dismiss any ideas initially; even seemingly impractical suggestions can spark more viable options.

5. Evaluate and Choose the Best Solution

Once you have a range of potential solutions, evaluate each one based on its feasibility, fairness, and ability to address the core issue. Discuss the pros and cons of each option and work together to choose the solution that seems most promising for everyone involved.

6. Implement and Follow Up

Once a solution is agreed upon, clearly define the steps that need to be taken, who is responsible for each step, and a timeline for implementation. It's also crucial to follow up to ensure that the solution is working and that everyone is satisfied with the outcome.

Conflict is an Opportunity

While uncomfortable, conflict doesn't have to be destructive. When approached with empathy, open communication, and a willingness to find common ground, conflict can actually be an opportunity for growth, stronger relationships, and innovative solutions. By developing your conflict resolution skills, you empower yourself to navigate disagreements constructively and build more positive and productive interactions in all areas of your life.

What are your go-to strategies for resolving conflict? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Begin, Wherever You Are

It's never too late or too soon.

Wherever you are in your parenting journey, whether with newborn child or young adult, begin teaching problem solving skills, thinking skills, and verbal reasoning skills.

Problem Solving, Thinking, & Verbal Reasoning

There are other important skills (like, how to do laundry, dishes, math, and weak-side layups), but these are the Big Three. All are skills. All are taught, coached, encouraged, trained, and ... practiced, practiced, practiced to mastery over time.

Please keep in mind that skills are increased gradually, incrementally over time only through repetitive practice.

Practice to mastery is the only path to skill development, the only path forward.

We will work toward developing these skills (problem-solving, thinking, verbal reasoning) by practicing on a regular basis the *Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) process developed by Dr. Ross Greene. This process can and should be practiced during all routine problems and more urgent behavioral disruptions.

Patience Required

To begin this process focus first on engaging with your child in empathic, non-judgmental conversations about her perspective on various problems and concerns, working to develop a sense of trust in her that she can safely share her views with you without fear of being criticized, dismissed, or invalidated. 

Listen carefully, for deep understanding. Thank her for sharing her views. 

Tell her you will think about what she has shared and agree to come back to talk with her after you have had the opportunity to think things over. This is a great way to model and practice delayed gratification. 

Do not allow the situation to devolve into argument and hostility. Just listen carefully. If you begin to feel frustration. Say so, then take space and calm down. Promise to come back when you are feeling calmer. See post "Calm Down & Take Space".

Trust is the essential ingredient in developing the type of relationship with your child that will be open to a collaborative problem-solving process and behavior change. Mistrust leads to defensiveness and resistance to change.

Open communication built on trust is the cornerstone piece of the process. Developing and maintaining a trusting relationship will enable you to build / re-build and strengthen an empathic connection with your child.

Note: Parental Burnout

A loss of adult-to-child empathy (burnout) is a very typical problem parents (and staff) experience with behavioral children. The adults are gradually worn down, exhausted by the continuous demands and difficulties, but this decrease in empathic connection (heightened frustration, anger, discouragement) increases the likelihood of ever more severe behavioral difficulties. 

Think quicksand. 

Unless you are able to take a step back, to reconnect with your long-term vision and rebuild your capacity to see the whole child, you will get sucked deeper and deeper into the quagmire.

It is important that we move toward a “non-punitive, non-adversarial, collaborative, proactive, skill-building, relationship-enhancing” approach; reconnecting with love and empathy.


*Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) is the non-punitive, non-adversarial, trauma-informed model of care Dr. Greene originated and describes in his various books, including The Explosive Child, Lost at School, Lost & Found, and Raising Human Beings.

Kenneth H. Little, MA / 135 Lee Brook Road / Thornton, NH 03285 / 603-726-1006 / Achieve-ES.com