Think Win-Win, or No Deal

Win-win or no deal is borrowed from Stephen R. Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This is a fantastic resource that I strongly recommend. I've incorporated Covey's idea into the collaborative process developed by Ross W. Greene and described in The Explosive Child, another resource I strongly recommend. More about Dr. Greene's approach can be found at his "Lives in the Balance" web site. I strongly encourage you to study these resources thoroughly.


Think Win-Win, Whenever Possible

We are working toward a parent-child collaborative process; outcomes that are mutually agreeable are preferred whenever possible.

Win-lose and lose-win outcomes are not sustainable solutions. 

These types of inequitable outcomes will contribute to growing mistrust and resentment; increasing frustration, anger, hostility — ever acting-out behavior.

Avoid Win-Lose and Lose-Win outcomes as much as possible.

Remember “No Deal”. Rather than accept a win-lose or lose-win proposition, agree to no deal. Then take a break from discussions and try to come up with fresh possibilities. Come back to the discussion later when you have some new ideas in mind for solving the problem in a way that will work well for both you and your child.

Parent-Child Problem Solving

	Parent	Child	Outcome
	Lose	Win	Parent Frustration
	Win	Lose	Child Frustration
	Win	Win	Mutual Satisfaction
No Deal	Think	Think	Delayed

Solutions to problems work best when they work for both of you in a mutually agreeable way. If you cannot come to a reasonable, mutually agreeable solution, no deal is a good temporary conclusion. Agree to disagree for the time being and to discuss it again another time.

If you agree to discuss another time, please make sure you do; especially if you value keeping agreements.

Keep in mind that by using this type of process in problem solving with your children, you are role modeling and teaching by example an excellent life skill; a skill that will serve your children well in all relationships, personal and professional, for many decades to come.

Teaching these important skills when children are young will give them a strong advantage in verbal reasoning and verbal problem-solving over their peers. Verbal reasoning and problem solving are both highly effective and beneficial skills; associated with academic success.

Children who possess good verbal reasoning skills tend to accelerate ahead of their same age peers.

Kenneth H. Little, MA / 135 Lee Brook Road / Thornton, NH 03285 / 603-726-1006 / Achieve-ES.com