I think for most parents, myself included, figuring out how to be the best possible parent, figuring out how to help our children become the best possible version of themselves that they can be ... is central to our existence as parents.
In my mind, this purpose is an all-consuming obligation.
The whole purpose of this blog is directed toward fulfilling this purpose. In this essay I offer thoughts on developing a constructive family culture. I use the word constructive to describe a family that adds value to their children. Not all families do this. In fact, many diminish their children either subtly or in crushing torrents.
Family culture describes the rules, norms, values, customs, traditions, and leadership style of a family that guides and informs the way people behave on an individual basis and interact with each other.
This essay is not prescriptive, an instruction on how to make a specific family culture. It is a thinking tool designed to promote thought on this important topic.
Each interested family will need to create, craft, or construct its unique internal culture. All families have an internal culture, but not all families have a well thought out, intentionally constructed family culture. Some family cultures are functional and adaptive. Some family cultures are dysfunctional, maladaptive. Many family cultures are accidental. Most family cultures are not optimized around success and well-being.
Personally and professionally, I think the goal of family, the sole purpose, is to provide an environment in which each member is enlarged, enhanced, made better and stronger because of the family culture.
At least, this is the ideal that I'd like to see families moving toward. I do know that there are many families within which members are diminished and that stress and frustration and difficulty rob the family of its vital energy. Sometimes, life gets hard. But I think that the goal has to always to be to move back toward a family culture that is enriching. During times of heavy stress it is not unusual or unexpected for family members to regress. Being able to regroup quickly and effectively is an important life skill.
Words I use to describe what I view as an enriching family culture:
- Inclusive
- Collaborative
- Kind
- Generous
- Trusting
- Fair, and
- Supportive
What does your family culture look like? What do you want it to look like? Crafting a family culture is an on-going process. Sit down with family members and begin by writing down a few words that describe your family culture. Make a list. Talk it over. Think and refine. Once you have a list of words that describe how it is, talk it over and write out a list of words that describe what you want it to be.
Create a plan to transform your family from the way it is to the way you want it to be.
