Mad River Behavioral Health

I think for most parents, myself included, figuring out how to be the best possible parent, figuring out how to help our children become the best possible version of themselves that they can be ... is central to our existence as parents. In my mind, this purpose is an all-consuming obligation.  The whole purpose of this blog is directed toward fulfilling this purpose.  In this essay I offer thoughts on developing a constructive family culture.  I use the word constructive to describe a family that adds value to their children.  Not all families do this.  In fact, many diminish their children either subtly or in crushing torrents.    Family culture describes the rules, norms, values, customs, traditions, and leadership style of a family that guides and informs the way people behave on an individual basis and interact with each other. This essay is not prescriptive, an instruction on how to make a specific family culture.  It is a thinking too...

Never pay children for helping out at home. Being a cooperative and productive member of the family, making a contribution to the whole, is an expected part of life. Raising children according to a constructive value system is foundational to preparing children for a good, happy, healthy, successful life. Values: Clean up after your self Pitch in Be cooperative Be helpful Be respectful of self, others, property. All of these values are part of helping out at home. If kids want more money, they can help themselves and the family by earning it outside the family. Paying children to help out at home does not teach a valuable life lesson. Children come pre-wired to be good workers and you will teach them budgeting and purchasing skills as they are growing up.  The vast majority of young children want to help out at home; they want to load the dishwasher and washing machine, move laundry from washer to dryer, run the vacuum cleaner, etc. If they don't naturally want t...

Win-win or no deal is borrowed from Stephen R. Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This is a fantastic resource that I strongly recommend. I've incorporated Covey's idea into the collaborative process developed by Ross W. Greene and described in The Explosive Child , another resource I strongly recommend. More about Dr. Greene's approach can be found at his " Lives in the Balance " web site. I strongly encourage you to study these resources thoroughly. Think Win-Win, Whenever Possible We are working toward a parent-child collaborative process; outcomes that are mutually agreeable are preferred whenever possible. Win-lose and lose-win outcomes are not sustainable solutions.  These types of inequitable outcomes will contribute to growing mistrust and resentment; increasing frustration, anger, hostility — ever acting-out behavior. Avoid Win-Lose and Lose-Win outcomes as much as possible. Remember “No Deal”. Rather than accept a win-lose or l...

Excerpted from Ken's Parenting Guide Leadership Parents are the leaders of the family. Parents lead children in growth and development toward adulthood. Parents lead by example.  Leadership is not power.  Leadership is wisdom. Vision / Long Term Desired Outcome In order to lead, parents need to have a sense of what their long-term desired outcome is. As a parent, what are you trying to accomplish in raising children? Having a good sense of the desired outcome will help you navigate through difficulties more effectively. Keep the big picture and the long-term plan in mind. Don't get lost in the small stuff, the immediate challenges. Know Your Family's Value System Keep your value system at the forefront of your parenting effort. Write it down. Talk with your children about your values. Parents instill values in their children gradually over time. Live according to your value system. Guide accordingly. Keep the Whole Child in Mind Often as pa...