If you as a parent create any sensation of fear, even the slightest amount, if you are angry, harsh, critical, or punitive, you are creating a sizable obstacle to effective communication with your children. All problem solving and all skill development requires safety and trust.
Children may forgive our transgressions, but they will not necessarily forget.
Now, with that said, I have never met a parent who did not lose their sense of calm at least every now and then. So, what do we as parents do when we make parenting mistakes?
The first step is always to take a step back, take some time to consider what went wrong and to regain a sense of calm. It may take a while to figure out what went wrong, but once we do regain our composure we will want to go back to our children and apologize for our loss of self-control, to take ownership and responsibility for the error, and to remove any sense of responsibility from the children.
Whatever they may or may not have done, it's not their fault or responsibility that we lost control.
The next step is to repair the relationship.
Different people tend to do different things after a fight or argument. Somethings will bring people back together, healing any hurt feelings. Somethings leave the relationship damage unresolved. Each infraction left unresolved diminishes the relationship more and more over time. As parents, it's best if we can heal hurt feelings and resolve relational problems as they occur. Our children will need us most during adolescence. It's best to have a strong and intact relationship going into this stage of life.
There are many ways for parents to keep their head in the right place. A proactive parenting plan will help you keep stay calm more often and safeguard a strong, trusting relationship with your children.
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© 2019 Kenneth H. Little. All rights reserved.
