Mad River Behavioral Health

Only through the full and unconditional love and acceptance of each of our children, exactly as they are at any given time, complete with their full array of human flaws, can we even begin to lovingly and gently guide and support them in developing the skills and abilities they will require to become the successful adults we all hope they will become.  Kenneth H. Little, MA  603-726-1006 KenLittle-NH.org

The very best response to the vast majority of children’s misbehavior is a simple, quiet conversation moderated by reason, wisdom, and compassion; a conversation that guides the child quietly and gently to a better, more helpful place in life. Raising children is a long, gradual process. It takes years and years of patient and persistent effort. Gentle guidance is the primary choice in parenting. Sometimes a planned system of positive and negative consequences makes sense. This is not a system of rewards and punishment, so to speak, but a well crafted system of inductive consequences; constructive and instructive consequences that gradually teach better behavior, better problem solving skills, better stress management skills, and better decision-making skills. Arbitrary and / or harsh consequences should be avoided. They are far more likely to inflame the situation and create resentment within the child which will obscure any learning benefit. It is far more likely that arbitrary a...

Our dedication is to the whole child.  Our interest extends to the child’s family, neighborhood, school, and community.  Each child’s well-being is contingent on the well-being of the extended network surrounding and supporting their growth. Our interest in the whole child includes their well-rounded and well-balanced development.  We must attend to each area of need and support carefully weighted, balanced, and multi-dimensional growth: music, art, sports, friendship, family, hobbies and interests, academic achievement, ethical and spiritual well-being.  No one area can be allowed to consume our attention at the expense of another area.  We must remain flexible and responsive to the child’s needs. We must nurture each child’s strengths and carefully attend to their weaknesses. Elements of Character, Development, and a Healthy Lifestyle:  Honesty Creative Well-being Cooperation / Teamwork Physical Well-being Work Emotional Well...

Raising children requires open and honest communication. The only way children will ever participate in an open and honest dialogue is if they feel safe to speak openly and honestly. If you as a parent create any sensation of fear, even the slightest amount, if you are angry, harsh, critical, or punitive, you are creating a sizable obstacle to effective communication with your children.  All problem solving and all skill development requires safety and trust. Children may forgive our transgressions, but they will not necessarily forget. Now, with that said, I have never met a parent who did not lose their sense of calm at least every now and then.  So, what do we as parents do when we make parenting mistakes? The first step is always to take a step back, take some time to consider what went wrong and to regain a sense of calm.  It may take a while to figure out what went wrong, but once we do regain our composure we will want to go back to our children and apol...

Parenting requires two key elements: trust and faith. It's very important that parents trust their children and have faith in their innate goodness and capacity, while continuously working to develop the required skills, ability, and character. With constructive proactive parenting the likelihood is very high that your children will turn out to be the good, capable, successful adults they were born to be.  Believe  this. Believe in your child’s natural goodness and innate ability from birth on. The probability of a good outcome declines as parents implement parenting plans and methods that are based in fear, anxiety, anger, and mistrust. For example, if you believe that children are inherently sneaky and dishonest, you are likely to parent them in a way that increases their sneakiness and dishonesty. Similarly, overly restrictive parenting designed to increase child obedience and safety often inspires increased rebellion and risky behaviors. Trust I often he...

When my wife and I brought our first son home from the hospital, all packed into the warm winter snugly fleece in his little car seat, I carried him into our apartment and placed him, still in the car seat, in the center of the kitchen floor ... very much like a bag of groceries.  We stood there looking down at him.  I looked at my wife.  "Now what?" Groceries, I know what to do with.  You unpack them and put them away.  An infant was a whole new and anxiety producing adventure for me.  My wife -- a pediatrician in training -- seemed a wee bit more confident, but not as much as I would have liked. Although I had been working with children as a mental health professional for over 5 years, I had no direct parenting experience at all, had never changed a diaper in my entire life. I began rummaging through his bag of things.  Where is the owner's manual?  How do you turn this thing on, off; change its settings? I had no idea ... none. I'm su...

Figuring out how and why you get stuck in a parenting ordeal can be a very difficult task. The answers are not always as obvious as one might think.  I have been meeting with a single Mother who has temporarily lost custody of her son.  We had developed a pretty tight plan of action, things that Mom really needs to work on to begin the process of getting her life in order so she might be able to regain custody of her son. Mom has accomplished none of these action items over the past few months. I queried Mom about this, what she thought might be preventing her from following through on the action steps we had designed. There could be many reasons, but I've had an inkling for some time that she's just exhausted, ashamed; that on some level she believes herself to be a bad parent. I have wondered if perhaps, she might not be relieved in some ways that she no longer has custody, that she is no longer responsible for parenting her son.  Could it be that she secretly b...