The
very best response to the vast majority of children’s misbehavior is a simple,
quiet conversation moderated by reason, wisdom, and compassion; a conversation
that guides the child quietly and gently to a better, more helpful place in
life.
Raising children is a long, gradual process. It takes years and years of
patient and persistent effort. Gentle guidance is the primary choice in
parenting. Sometimes a planned system of positive and negative consequences
makes sense. This is not a system of rewards and punishment, so to speak, but a
well crafted system of inductive consequences; constructive and instructive
consequences that gradually teach better behavior, better problem solving
skills, better stress management skills, and better decision-making skills.
Arbitrary and / or harsh consequences
should be avoided. They are far more likely to inflame the situation and create
resentment within the child which will obscure any learning benefit. It is far
more likely that arbitrary and / or harsh consequences will increase
misbehavior, rather than decrease it, and decrease the frequency of positive
behaviors.
Everything in life is practice to mastery. Everyone needs the
opportunity to practice new skills gradually over time in order to master them.
Everyone makes mistakes and needs the opportunity to practice making amends and
to practice regrouping and moving forward again.
Instructive, constructive, and
reparative consequences gradually influence thinking, feeling, and behaving in
a productive direction.
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