Only through the full and unconditional love and acceptance of each of our children, exactly as they are at any given time, complete with their full array of human flaws, can we even begin to lovingly and gently guide and support them in developing the skills and abilities they will require to become the successful adults we all hope they will become.
The Very Best Response
The
very best response to the vast majority of children’s misbehavior is a simple,
quiet conversation moderated by reason, wisdom, and compassion; a conversation
that guides the child quietly and gently to a better, more helpful place in
life.
Raising children is a long, gradual process. It takes years and years of patient and persistent effort. Gentle guidance is the primary choice in parenting. Sometimes a planned system of positive and negative consequences makes sense. This is not a system of rewards and punishment, so to speak, but a well crafted system of inductive consequences; constructive and instructive consequences that gradually teach better behavior, better problem solving skills, better stress management skills, and better decision-making skills.
Arbitrary and / or harsh consequences should be avoided. They are far more likely to inflame the situation and create resentment within the child which will obscure any learning benefit. It is far more likely that arbitrary and / or harsh consequences will increase misbehavior, rather than decrease it, and decrease the frequency of positive behaviors.
Everything in life is practice to mastery. Everyone needs the opportunity to practice new skills gradually over time in order to master them. Everyone makes mistakes and needs the opportunity to practice making amends and to practice regrouping and moving forward again.
Instructive, constructive, and reparative consequences gradually influence thinking, feeling, and behaving in a productive direction.
Raising children is a long, gradual process. It takes years and years of patient and persistent effort. Gentle guidance is the primary choice in parenting. Sometimes a planned system of positive and negative consequences makes sense. This is not a system of rewards and punishment, so to speak, but a well crafted system of inductive consequences; constructive and instructive consequences that gradually teach better behavior, better problem solving skills, better stress management skills, and better decision-making skills.
Arbitrary and / or harsh consequences should be avoided. They are far more likely to inflame the situation and create resentment within the child which will obscure any learning benefit. It is far more likely that arbitrary and / or harsh consequences will increase misbehavior, rather than decrease it, and decrease the frequency of positive behaviors.
Everything in life is practice to mastery. Everyone needs the opportunity to practice new skills gradually over time in order to master them. Everyone makes mistakes and needs the opportunity to practice making amends and to practice regrouping and moving forward again.
Instructive, constructive, and reparative consequences gradually influence thinking, feeling, and behaving in a productive direction.
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