Mad River Behavioral Health

When my wife and I brought our first son home from the hospital, all packed into the warm winter snugly fleece in his little car seat, I carried him into our apartment and placed him, still in the car seat, in the center of the kitchen floor ... very much like a bag of groceries.  We stood there looking down at him.  I looked at my wife.  "Now what?" Groceries, I know what to do with.  You unpack them and put them away.  An infant was a whole new and anxiety producing adventure for me.  My wife -- a pediatrician in training -- seemed a wee bit more confident, but not as much as I would have liked. Although I had been working with children as a mental health professional for over 5 years, I had no direct parenting experience at all, had never changed a diaper in my entire life. I began rummaging through his bag of things.  Where is the owner's manual?  How do you turn this thing on, off; change its settings? I had no idea ... none. I'm su...

Figuring out how and why you get stuck in a parenting ordeal can be a very difficult task. The answers are not always as obvious as one might think.  I have been meeting with a single Mother who has temporarily lost custody of her son.  We had developed a pretty tight plan of action, things that Mom really needs to work on to begin the process of getting her life in order so she might be able to regain custody of her son. Mom has accomplished none of these action items over the past few months. I queried Mom about this, what she thought might be preventing her from following through on the action steps we had designed. There could be many reasons, but I've had an inkling for some time that she's just exhausted, ashamed; that on some level she believes herself to be a bad parent. I have wondered if perhaps, she might not be relieved in some ways that she no longer has custody, that she is no longer responsible for parenting her son.  Could it be that she secretly b...

I see spirited children often. I love their natural energy.  Their parent(s) always look a bit tattered, ruffled, and strained.  Most parents would say, I think, that they want their children to have some "get-up-and-go", a bit of "fire in their belly", some internal tenacity.  These are admirable traits and characteristics that will serve children well as they learn how to refine, harness, and direct their energies as they move toward adulthood. They will very likely clash with the world during this process. It is better to guide these children gently forward rather than to try to break them of their natural tendencies.    Kenneth H. Little, MA / 135 Lee Brook Road / Thornton, NH 03285 / 603-726-1006 /   Achieve-ES.com © 2019 Kenneth H. Little. All rights reserved.  

When children first come whooshing out into the world they are fully reliant on their parent(s) for all of their needs and well-being.  As soon as the umbilical chord is cut, however, the very long and gradual process of separation and individuation begins.   Parenting from here on out, every minute of it, is fully about preparing -- incrementally --  the child to occupy a successful, healthy role in the adult world to the best of their abilities.  With each passing moment children grow, change, move inexorably toward adulthood.  Ready or not, adulthood will arrive. Children are not well prepared by overly involved, overly controlling parents.  Children are not well prepared by under involved, neglectful parents. Children are best prepared by collaborative parents who gently and gradually ween them off parental control and into self-management.    To be continued.    Kenneth H. Little, MA / 135 Lee Brook Road / Thornton, ...

In the medical community " nonmaleficence " is the ethical obligation not to inflict harm.  In medical ethics, the physician's guiding maxim is “First, do no harm.” The opposite is beneficence (do good); provide benefits to persons and contribute to their welfare. Refers to an action done for the benefit of others. " Nonmaleficence means non-harming or inflicting the least harm possible to reach a beneficial outcome. Harm and its effects are considerations and part of the ethical decision-making process ..." Clearly, parenting should come with the same sort of ethical guidance.  A parents first obligation to their children is to inflict no harm; or at least to inflict the least amount of harm possible to reach the beneficial outcome. 1) Nonmaleficence - do no harm 2) Beneficence - do good Evidence-Based Parenting The research on parenting provides a reasonably clear set of guidelines on what is harmful and what is helpful. Evidence-based parentin...

A brief talk with a colleague this morning prompted me to write this short essay. She was describing to me how frustrating it is to walk out into the living room and realize how much mess has accumulated while your children sit and giggle watching youtube videos, apparently oblivious to the carnage surrounding them. I know this feeling.  It can be infuriating. The urge to scream can be powerful. But First, Ask ... is this an emergency? Take a step back.  Evaluate.  Is this an emergency?  Is anyone gushing blood or on fire?  If yes, it's an emergency -- stay calm, think clearly, take action.  If no one is gushing blood or on fire, there is no emergency -- stay calm, think clearly, delay taking action.  Emergency or not, stay calm - think with a clear head. Own the Problem First, always own the problem.  If the family is not functioning as desired, responsibility falls to the leadership. The family leaders are responsible for creating ...

I think for most parents, myself included, figuring out how to be the best possible parent, figuring out how to help our children become the best possible version of themselves that they can be ... is central to our existence as parents. In my mind, this purpose is an all-consuming obligation.  The whole purpose of this blog is directed toward fulfilling this purpose.  In this essay I offer thoughts on developing a constructive family culture.  I use the word constructive to describe a family that adds value to their children.  Not all families do this.  In fact, many diminish their children either subtly or in crushing torrents.    Family culture describes the rules, norms, values, customs, traditions, and leadership style of a family that guides and informs the way people behave on an individual basis and interact with each other. This essay is not prescriptive, an instruction on how to make a specific family culture.  It is a thinking too...